A brief pause before the push.

I’ve found myself the past few days with very busy days followed by very busy nights. I’ve been more social this weekend than I have in quite some time…the thing about the transition from a daily class/activity schedule to a fairly routine work schedule is that it’s left me with a lot more free time – which I hope I’ve used in productive ways. It’s also left me as something of a hermit, typing away at my keyboard or writing away in my notebook on my sofa. It’s not necessarily lonely, and I think this time spent with myself has been long overdue, but it means that I have to try harder to hang out with friends still in school or those from work or else the time will grow stale.

So that meant this weekend I was out, neglecting my writing and research. Maybe not neglecting, but at least letting it rest before I hit that point of creative burn-out. Last night, though, as I watched the Oscars telecast, I started on the beginning. And had to stop while researching for details I didn’t realize I would have to include. The unexpected does come with the territory, I guess. But it’s progress. I know I said I’d have something to share by the end of last week, but it just didn’t get out in time. 

I really shouldn’t hold myself to a deadline, probably. I’ve never been great with deadlines.

Fried chicken for my valentine.

The majority of my Valentine’s Day was spent at work. The most enjoyable part of it, however, was sharing KFC with my boyfriend while watching That 70’s Show on Netflix. So, not too much differently spent than a normal evening.

So, I was nominated for a Liebster Award.

I give my many thanks and appreciative words to Tony of A Way With Words (because I rarely get to do things like this and it seems like a fun exercise for self-reflection).

So here  it goes:

11 Facts About Me

1) I’m a (very recent) college graduate.

2) I’ve never finished any story I’ve ever started writing, at least in the sense of actual completion (revision, etc.).

3) I just promised my co-worker that if tickets for a fun. concert on Friday dropped below $75, I would go with him (currently at $190).

4) I’ve met Harper Lee twice. The first time she hugged me; the second time she told me she liked my hat.

5) My favorite stage role I’ve ever played was as Agnes in a production of Agnes of God. The most fun role, however, was as Rosie in The Wedding Singer.

6) I am addicted to Dr. Pepper, which I do not think is an exaggeration.

7) I love the wearing the color red.

8) The first book I ever read by myself was Go Dog Go.

9) I’ve kept all of the cards and letters I’ve ever gotten, which I like to go through when I’m feeling down.

10) I really want to learn how to swing dance (West Coast, to be specific).

11) My favorite fictional character is Alan Shore; I admire his eloquent verbosity and unabashed hypocrisy.

 

11 Questions I to Answer

1) What brand of deodorant do you use?

• I use Secret. It comes in a light blue container.

2) What book(s) are you reading now?

• I just started reading A Private Life of Henry James: Two Women & his Art and I’ve been working on The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test for a bit.

3) If you were a Beatle, who would you be (John, Paul, George, or Ringo)?

• Tough one. I’d love to say Paul, but in terms of personality and group dynamics I’d most likely be George.

4) Name one of your guilty pleasures.

• Eating an entire bag of sour cream and onion chips in one sitting.

5) What (or Who) inspired you to create your blog?

• Myself, mostly, wanting to actively maintain a blog. But indirectly, my friends Dan and Anne Lofton, who have been supportive of my writing even when they haven’t read much of it.

6) Where were you when (choose one) –  a) JFK was shot. ; b) Watergate was exposed. ; c) OJ Simpson was arrested. ; d) The Twin Towers collapsed.

• When the Twin Towers collapsed, I was sitting in my 5th grade science class blissfully unaware.

7)  Share a favorite Bible verse (or quote from classic literature).

• As far as Bible verses, I do love 1 Timothy 4:12: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”
• “I am a creature of my Pen, my Pen is the best of me.” – A.S. Byatt, Possession
• “Write about what your everyday life offers you: describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty – describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the Things around, the images of your dreams, and the objects you remember.” Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
• “No one can advise or help you – no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would die if forbidden to write. this most of all: ask yourself in the most silent of the night: must I write?” – Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
• “Novelists write for countless different reasons: for money, for fame, for reviewers, for parents, for friends, for loved ones; for vanity, for pride, for curiosity, for amusement: as skilled furniture makers enjoy making furniture, as drunkards like drinking, as judges like judging, as Sicilians like emptying a shotgun into an enemy’s back. I could fill a book with reasons, and they would all be true, though not true of all. Only one same reason is shared by all of us: we wish to create worlds as real as, but other than the world that is. Or was.” – John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman

8) Do you believe in parallel universes?  (If so, do you know how I might visit one.  No, really, I want to know…)

• It’s a very interesting concept, but I don’t believe I or scientists know enough about the universe we currently inhabit to say yes. So, no.

9) List 3 songs you never get tired of listening to.

• “While You Were Sleeping” – Elvis Perkins
• “All For Swinging You Around” – The New Pornographers
• “Land” – Patti Smith

10)  As you were growing up, what posters (if any) did you have on your walls?

• I didn’t have posters on my wall growing up because I didn’t want to disrupt the pretty yellow/orange aesthetic of my bedroom (I expressed myself in other ways), but I did have a lot of art (original and reproduced) found in museum gift shops and weekend markets: Degas dancers, pretty ladies with umbrella shades, men and women chastely standing/kissing/embracing, and men riding llamas up a mountain side.

11)  Have you ever memorized a poem?  If so, what poem?

• My senior year of high school, I had to memorize the opening of The Canterbury Tales and some Shakespearean sonnets for various theatre classes, but beyond that, I’ve memorized two: Blank Joy by Rainer Maria Rilke and Adagio by Seamus Deane.

Originality Versus Authenticity

“Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent.” – Jim Jarmusch

I don’t often rely on inspirational quotes; more often than not if I’m going to quote something it will be a particular good piece of writing  which showcases what I aspire to equal some day. But this particular quote often gives me comfort when I start second-guessing myself and makes me think about what is really important to me when it comes to my writing. I think it can also apply to discussions about the role of influence and adaptation in creating new work.

It popped into my head last night when my boyfriend shared a potential story idea and asked if I thought it had been overdone. It was a sentence of a premise. Simple. Maybe six words total. So I asked him for more details, which he hadn’t given much thought to. He had just stopped at whether or not the idea had been done by someone else, whether or not his idea was original. But I don’t think the originality of the idea was important – as vague as it was, of course it wasn’t. And that fact alone would have been enough to discourage him from pursuing what could be a very interesting story.

Given the amount of created work that exists today, it’s difficult to free oneself completely from influence. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. As original we might think some of our favorite stories, our favorite tales, our favorite books are, on some level they all resemble each other (here I cite Joseph Campbell). The same with any other art form. There  are basic building blocks which we use to create, whether that be movements, a pen and paper, a keyboard, paint and ink. And while there may be infinite ways to combine one or all of these into a work of art, we see and absorb the art that comes before us and use that as a starting point, whether to spring from or deconstruct or reject completely.

So can we really call something original anymore? Isn’t everything a reaction to something, either positive or negative? Aren’t we all just producing work that is a response, either conscious or unconscious, to that which we have previously absorbed? I mean, all works are original in sense of the source of creation. A story I write is an original from me, but it’s not original in a larger sense; that story contains elements from various other sources that I’ve combined in a new way. It’s kind of like a creative Frankenstein monster, really.

Again, I don’t think this is a bad thing. While originality may not actually exist, what we create can be authentic and true. The role of influence does not mean what we create is not different, is not equally as interesting, is not worthy of praise. In some ways, it can actually add meaning and depth, creating the means to expand on previous work. Is this not what adaptations between different mediums and fan fiction attempt to do? Just because something is not original or is based off another work does not mean it is a copy or theft; it’s an expansion, a tribute. It’s a completely different work.

So I don’t think anyone should get stuck on whether what they’re creating is “original” or not. I say just go with it. Let your creative monsters free.

Send my apologies to Miss Austen and my ex-boyfriend.

In case you didn’t notice, two days ago marked the 200th anniversary of the publication of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. For me, it felt like everyone in the world had something to say about it and how much they love Austen and her (arguably) most famous novel. Given that, it only seems appropriate that I should add my voice to the fervor of adoration for a woman whose work I’ve literally grown up with. I don’t really think it adds anything significant to the discussion and praise, but my reflections on how Austen has been weaved so seamlessly into my life encouraged this post.

I hope you’ll forgive me for being two days late.

I burned your letter today,

the one I attempted to write

to document the depth of my feelings,

but couldn’t bring myself to finish for all my tears –

it’s gone now.

I used an entire box of matches,

hid in the shades of the trumpet vine

growing on the steps outside,

and tried to make the little book set fire.

When it caught, I felt nothing.

No pangs of regret in severing this last connection.

The pages shriveled up and turned to ash.

The words were lost in the flames, and as they burned,

I felt free finally.

No more tears, no more dwelling on you,

on us.

No more feeling suffocated

by the letter encased in that book.

I tossed the used matches in the grass

and left the remains on the shady steps.

What remains of my love for you,

I suppose, is left to the whims of the wind.

This means that I can move on,

I hope.

As much as you consumed me,

as much as I love you,

as much as I am still dependent on you,

The burning of that letter

seals the reality of the thing.

I am alone,

and I can still be happy.

-May 17, 2010